Wednesday, April 11, 2007

chocolate almond cookies


these are the dreaded "trucker ass" cookies that have been sustaining me throughout these long days and nights of servitude. the Worm is a harsh master. there is much about this breeding thing they don't mention. and some of the things they do mention are lies, fabrications, and straight up fantasies. to be nice, lets just call them myths. myth 1: babies smell good. no way. at least mine doesn't. she stinks. she smells like pooh and vomit and urine and that gross powdery diaper smell. and she also smells like cheese. breastmilkcheese. drooling like a giant, unkempt shaggy dog the milk dribbles and gushes out the mouth into the fatty neck folds where it turns into cheese. breastmilkneckcheese. and it stinks. myth 2: babies are cute. okay, maybe they get cuter as they get older, but newborns are not cute. misshapen blobs of undifferentiated flesh, to the untrained eye, they look pretty much all alike. and that something is an unholy cross pollination between carl malden and archie bunker. having said that, there does seem to be a hardwired switch in the brain that makes you think yours really is cute. or sweet. or at least not totally repulsive. at least not until the infant acne pops out. yep, infant acne. never heard of it? another little thing they don't tell you. they say 40% of babies get it. needless to say, the Worm is in that silent 40% and is giving us a preview of adolescent delights to come.

okay, before you call child protective services, let me just say that i like my Worm just fine, despite the stink, the lack of sleep, the rotten neck cheese, the high-velocity-face-spraying feces, the inexpicable crying jags, zits and all...

so back to my ass-expanding buddies. these cookies are based on the double chocolate almond explosion cookies from vive le vegan. when cooked properly they have a crisp exterior and an ever so slightly chewy interior delivering a good chocolate flavor without being too sweet. the toasted almonds lend an interesting deviation from the expected. my modifications included increasing the amount and type of almonds (chopped in lieu of slivered), omitting almond extract ('cause i don't have any), and fiddling with the wet/dry ratio. i found that the original recipe was too dry and i had to add a bit of water to make it mixable. in the rendition below i decreased the amount of flour instead of adding additional liquid - it may still seem to be on the dry side but it will work out, i promise. also, if you have any black cocoa on hand, swap out 2 Tablespoons of the regular stuff for the black stuff. it will make them taste a little bit more like oreo cookies.

if you're interested in the unadulterated recipe, or if you're just in the market for a new vegan cookbook, i recommend picking up a copy of vive le vegan. the recipes are simple, kid friendly (if that's of any concern to you) and pretty easy to put together. because many of the recipes look so simple, i was initially skeptical, but those that i've tried have, for the most part, delivered (scalloped potatoes, anyone?). even such simple recipes as tomato lentil pasta sauce, a dish i've been improvising for years, has a depth of flavor that belies it's simplicity. so without further ado, here is my version of the chocolate almond explosion cookies.

chocolate almond cookies
3/4 cup flour
1/4 cup cocoa powder (2 T. dutch processed, 2 T. black cocoa, if you have it)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/3 cup chopped toasted almonds
1/2 cup chocolate chips
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/4 cup sugar
1/3 cup maple syrup
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 cup canola oil

preheat oven to 350 f. sift together flour, cocoa powder, baking soda and baking powder. mix in the almonds, chocolate chips, and salt. in another bowl combine the wet ingredients (and sugar) and whisk until well blended. add wet mixture to dry mixture and stir until just combined. the batter will be a bit thick, almost like a loose dough. roll dough out into little balls and flatten onto a parchment lined baking sheet. to help minimize the dough from sticking to your hands, moisten them prior to rolling and pressing. bake for about 11 minutes and cool on a rack. then, as suggested by a commentor to my last post, go out and buy a truck to go along with the ass. or, more likely, to haul it around.

22 Comments:

Blogger bazu said...

Those cookies look so good- almost too healthy to result in trucker ass!
Your breastmilkneckcheese reminded me of an awful memory: back when I was 11 or 12, I was playing with my few-months-old cousin. I was lying down and I lifted him over me to play airplane and... sure enough... milkcheese spewed forth from my cousin's mouth... *into* mine. GAAH. Fortunately, it wasn't breastmilk- that I know. =)

4:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love how you're so truthful about the baby thing. :) so many people talk about it like new babies are a slice of heaven, and it's great to see the REAL early motherhood. I'm sure it's great, but it's not all peaches and cream like so many make it out to be.

you should write a baby book!

4:46 PM  
Blogger julie said...

I like your honesty too, re babies. But despite it all, you wouldn't be without her, would you?

Those cookies look very good. Definitely worth buying a truck;)

4:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

looks very good! thanks for the recipe.

9:25 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

they are gorgeous! I'll definitely give a try to your version.

11:53 AM  
Blogger sp said...

This is one of the funniest posts I've read. I've encouraged my friends who have gone through the process to read it.
I knew it was a myth, I knew it!

Oh yes, congratulations!

8:22 PM  
Blogger KleoPatra said...

You are hilarious. So "real." I love it. Babies are cause for neverending stories, no? Thanks for the fun post - and oh yes, those cookies are splendid!

11:18 PM  
Blogger JENNA said...

thanks for the baby truth! i'm due in august and i already don't believe a thing mothers are telling me. especially since the pregnancy isn't the dream that everyone else thinks their's was like.

thank's for the "truckers ass" cookie recipe.
good luck
JENNA

8:54 AM  
Blogger Commonplace iris said...

Those cookies look so good, definitely adding them to my list of recipes to try.
My daughter is 9 months old now which is a fun stage in many ways. I actually love the tiny new babies though so I'm already starting to be wistful about the early months sometimes. It's good to be reminded about the unappealing side -- ahh, the poop fountains!

3:26 PM  
Blogger Monkey Wrangler said...

You mythbuster! Good to see you're alive and survived the wormy ordeal. And speaking of myths, what about that 9 month gestation thing: at 42 weeks, that's 10 months! Damn!

Here at the ranch we're expecting another monkey (or potato, as I like to think of the new ones), and although I can't wait to see them, I can definately wait on the no sleep/crap spray/neck cheese thing.

Well at least the worm don't have teeth to bite you with, ask you "why" every other second for hours on end, screech like a dolphin, get into EVERYTHING in the house, or write all over the walls.......yet. And that's just a tiny bit of it. But they do get cuter, indeed.

10:34 AM  
Blogger rae said...

bazu: oh, that is truly horrible. all stinky and curdy and in your mouth...yikes, that beats out my gross experiences definitely.
juusan: "peaches and cream". yeah, sure. rotten peaches and curdled cream. but it sure is an experience...
julie: well, hmmm, i guess not... probably.
johanna3: yr welcome!
celine: let me know how they turn out - if the dough seems wonky to you go ahead and try the original proportions and increase the flour by 1/4 cup.
sp: thanks for the congrats. just ask your friends for the real dirt, i'm sure it gets way gorier...
kleopatra: neverending stories, i'm afraid of that. and yes, dreena does some fabulous cookies.
b36kitchen: yeah, i didn't get the whole pregnancy euphoria thing, even though i never had a day of morning sickness or anything like that. it just seemed, um, cumbersome, but it is finite. and and the end of the ordeal you get your own little satanic worm and a bach of warm cookies...
commonplace iris: if you miss those early days you're welcome to come on over and relive them here.
monkeywrangler: monkey wrangler. you are frightening me. real bad. but the good part is that you can get creative and make up the most outlandish answers to those endless "why" questions.

1:47 PM  
Blogger the.nicole.harvey said...

How about that? I found your blog while looking to improve upon the standard Kabocha recipe (so I stuck with the standard, go figure) and discovered a new good read, and new good recipes.
'Luck with the worm, all my friends seem to be coming down with them...

8:04 PM  
Blogger theONLYtania said...

I am sorry but I had NO idea you were pregnant! But congratulations and that is so fantastic :-) To be completely honest, I am actually eating right now, and this entry made me feel a little like throwing up (seriously) but maybe you meant for that to happen. Thank you for the recipe, the cookies look delicious.

9:27 PM  
Blogger bee said...

lol. rae, you were missed. good to see you blogging again.

7:19 AM  
Blogger Rage And Love said...

wow! i want some of those cookies now!

6:22 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love it! :)

I suppose we were all stinky little nuggets at one point. My mother described me as especially gooey.

Enjoy the cookies, you've earned them.

5:51 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Chocolate and almonds - two of my favorite things in a cookie, or any other sweet for that matter. Thanks for a great recipe...

8:41 PM  
Blogger abby said...

I just made these...so delicious! Thanks for posting this. I found your blog while looking for an online transcription of the pumpkin muffins from Vegan With A Vengeance. (I loaned my copy to a friend over the weekend and I am addicted to the muffins.) However, I couldn't resist the cookies once I read the recipe. Yay! Pumpkin muffins another day...

7:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I came across your blog a while ago trying to find a recipe for vegan pumpkin muffins that I am making for a friend. I returned to your blog today to actually write down the ingredients and make them.

What I realized though is something special about you.
This new wave of blogging is, for lack of a better word simply ridiculous, everyone has a blog. about anything/nothing, and they are a waste of time usually. But what I realized that is different about yours is that amongst the great recipes, you are a really good writer. The way you tell stories can't be touched by any other blog I've ever read.

Your posts are very interesting, and funny, and real.
Anyway I was just wondering if you write books of any sort? Or have ever thought of it?

Thanks! have a nice day!

-Blair

3:51 AM  
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