Sunday, May 18, 2008

well i thought it was funny...

things are getting better around here as it seems i now have enough spare time in the day to squander surfing the internet. forget about the laundry, forget about shaving the armpits, forget about zapping the feet with tinactin, forget about the squalling child too - the black hole of the internet beckons. this image is from i suppose i found it poignant because, due to the breeding experiment, i can now appreciate the juxtaposition of dairy and bras with nary a trace of irony. not that i am still a human dairy cow, no, that ended long ago, much to the chagrin of my balloon-boob-luvin' mate, but the memory is still quite fresh.

much to my surprise, the whole breastfeeding experiment has very much changed my relationship with the, um, the mass of fat encased glands known as boobs. not necessarily for the better. some of you may want to stop reading here. if you're still with me, i have two words for you: national geographic. yep. at first, after weaning, i thought that they just seemed oh-so-little because of the comparison to their former bay watch glory. but after much scrutiny i realized that yes, they were different. i figured they'd just kinda shrunk in the wash. "okay" i though to myself, "i can live with that". but no. after more scrutiny, i realized that no amount of wash'n'dry could do that. nope. it was as if they were hung out to dry. not smaller. longer. this might be a little tougher to swallow.

i can now can be found on page 37 of national geographic, august edition 1957. and that's just the upstairs. i'll save the downstairs for another day.

on a cheerier note, the worm no longer stinks like rotten cheese, can self-propel on two hooves, and has a surprisingly sunny and outgoing character. she resembles neither of her alleged parents either in face or disposition. maybe that day in the hospital the gods smiled on me and sent me home with the wrong one. maybe somewhere out there skulks a cranky, cross-eyed, sullen, introverted, black-clad toddler, ruining someone else's life.

and since this is a food blog, here is a token food shot, in honor of asparagus season. paper bag steamed asparagus, compliments of tyler florence. as soon as i heard about it, i knew i had to give it a shot, for the novelty in nothing else. it wasn't until after i'd finished eating all the spears that i bothered wondering where that paper bag had been before it wrapped itself around my food. i envisioned a bum tucking it inside his tatty winter coat along with a few old newspapers to keep out the biting chill of winter before being returned to the store by an eco-warrior for re-use. i imagined it full of tb germs. in general, i imagine a lot of things, most of which are either ridiculous or impossible or both, so pay me no heed. the dish turned out fine. aside from overcooking, it's hard to ruin asparagus.

i'm feeling rather lazy today so if you are interested in trying out this method of questionable cleanliness, head on over to foodtv here.


Blogger radioactivegan said...

I love your description of your kid! I got a huge kick out of the dairy comfort bras. I may have to get one for myself.

4:34 PM  
Blogger an9ie said...

Hooray, you're back! The boob-talk made me laugh, but in an apprehensive "oh-no-that-will-probably-happen-to-me" way. Nevermind, time enough to save up for Ms Breastlift at 40 :p

9:37 PM  
Blogger Steffi said...

*lol* Engrish rocks :)

12:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now you've really got me freaked out about having kids. I don't want flap jacks for breasts!!!

12:58 AM  
Blogger jessy said...

oh YAY! i'm so glad you're back! :D superhappyface! great post, too! it made me laugh out loud!

11:42 AM  
Blogger Rachel T said...

Which is why my eagerly expanding pregnant breasts have been pissing me off. The bigger they balloon now, the worse the deflation, after. I was watching some trashy celebrity plastic-surgery program a while back and one woman (married to one of the Brady Bunch) said that after a miscarriage, one of her boobs shriveled but the other stayed the same size. How terrifying is that? Yours may be...long, Rae, but at least they're evenly long?

9:18 AM  
Blogger elizabeth said...

Glad to see your post! Thanks for the link!

7:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wow, your blog used to be so fun to read! These days, I can't stand it - you are so negative, particularly in regards to your newborn. I enjoy dark humour and sarcasm as much as the next person, but come on, quit your bitching and name-calling and enjoy the human being YOU brought into this world. Jesus. You make it sound like someone held a gun to your head and forced you to have sex, conceive the baby, choose to follow through with the pregnancy, and give birth. You have no idea how lucky you are. And if the gun scenario is accurate, my sincere apologies.

4:04 PM  
Blogger assikilo aka ася said...

this might be a little tougher to swallow

2:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I still love reading your blog. Post more! The baby stuff is hilarious. Motherhood is only all about sentimentalism from afar. And your recipes have always been inspiring.

1:35 PM  
Blogger bazu said...

I'm horrified? And intrigued? Damn boobs.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Pooh said...

Dang girl, you have me all freaked out now. Did you really think a bag of steamed veggies would help the gawd-awful truth you've flung upon us?
Still, have a good weekend!

11:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog entries are by far the funniest I've ever read. Your humor breaks up my day of monotonous cubicle work. Please keep writing! I saw someone above wrote their disgust at your description of your baby/pregnancy. Hell girlfriend, I think you nailed it, keep it up. There's enough baby sugar coating on the web already. You are my idol.

1:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Loved the dairy comfort bras. Having nursed 4 babies, you have no idea how much I can relate to post-nursing boob sag. All I can say is thank god for La Senza and push-up bras.

Love your blog.

4:52 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I was watching some trashy celebrity plastic-surgery program a while back and one woman (married to one of the Brady Bunch) said that after a miscarriage, one of her boobs shriveled but the other stayed the same size. How terrifying is that?

6:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

very nice your blog..

3:29 AM  
Blogger Cindy DG said...

I understand the boob thing! :_)
Dropping in to say hi from Vegetarian Mamma
:) Cindy

9:52 AM  
Anonymous multi monitors said...

nice blog

11:30 AM  
Blogger jenny said...

Haha too funny!!

10:32 AM  

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