praise seitan

seitan cutlets

at the end of the day there are two camps of vegetarians, those who fear The Meat Analog (and who can blame them with a handle like that, just imagine if fake boobs were called breast analogs or if dentures were called teeth analogs - it just sounds bad) and those who don't. those who remember that yeah, that porterhouse steaks or kfc chicken thighs or corned beef hash or the supreme being of all meats, The Bacon, well, it tasted pretty damn good. excuse me while i wipe a tear of nostalgia from my eye. and then (drum roll please) there are those vegetarians who claim to not have ever enjoyed the savage carnal delight of using those four sharp little meat shredding teeth we all own on our gentle fellow living creatures, four legged and finned alike. you know who i'm talking about. the prevaricators. the liars. those who fool no one. have i pissed anyone off yet?

the following recipe is for all of you who do not fear satan. for those that praise satan. who want to have a little more satan in their lives. i mean seitan. by the way, this is a rockin' shirt i found on the web. disclaimer: this is not my torso beneath the shirt and i don't work for these guys, but if you fancy this product you can order it here: http://www.herbivoreclothing.com



this particular recipe for seitan is from bryanna clark grogan http://www.bryannaclarkgrogan.com and http://www.vegsource.com/talk/beginner/index.html my personal vegan cooking bad-ass hero-ess. bryanna gives credit for certain modifications to ellen of ellen's kitchen http://www.ellenskitchen.com . this "chicken" seitan is absolutely delicious, neither chewy nor puffy with a neutral but not bland flavor that lends itself well for use in "chicken" cutlets, seitan schwarma, or thinly sliced as sandwich "meat". and the best part is that it is super easy if you have a bread machine and a slow cooker. probably a nightmare if you don't.

the dry mix:
2 and 1/4 cups pure gluten powder
1/2 cup minute tapioca (i usually grind it up a bit so they're not so big)
1/2 cup rolled oats
2 tablespoons fake chicken broth powder
2 tablespoons nutritional yeast flakes
1 tablespoon garlic powder
1 tablespoon onion powder

the wet mix:
2 and 1/4 cup cold water
1/4 cup tahini (roasted)
3 Tablespoons soy sauce

the cooking broth:
Mix in a large pot and bring to a boil, then keep at a simmer, covered:
7 cups fake chicken broth
7 cloves garlic, chopped
3 and 1/2 Tablespoons soy sauce
3 and 1/2 Tablespoons nutritional yeast flakes

put the wet and dry mix in your bread machine in the order specified by the manufacturer. if kneading or using a dough hook and mixer, place dry then wet ingredients, kneading for about 10 minutes. if using your bread machine just run it through the dough cycle for just the kneading portion. if the kneading portion is short (10 minutes or less), unplug it to reset the mechanism then run it through a second knead. let rest for about 1 hour, covered. you can make your cooking broth at this time and have it ready.

the dough should be shiny and smooth. this is what mine looks like when i take it out of my bread machine.



once out of the bread machine, knead the ball by stretching and patting or rolling into a flat rectangle. fold in half and repeat, doing this 6 times, and folding so that the gluten strands are always going in the same direction. if the dough gets tight and won’t relax, just cover it and go away for about 20 minutes, and it’ll be easier to work with after that. myself, i fold it only a few times 'cause my satan, i mean seitan, is always very stubborn and rigid. form the dough into a piece that will fit into your crock pot, as thin as the width of the pot will allow. you may wet your hands to make the dough easier to handle. you can also cut the roast into two smaller roasts, if you prefer. and if you really fancy, you may do all of this in the nude.

oil or spray the inside of your slow cooker or pot. there should be some room for your roast to expand. pour some of the cooking broth in, place in the roast and cover with remaining broth, which should just cover the dough. cover and simmer on low for 6-8 hours , turning once halfway through. cool in the broth, then refrigerate well-wrapped. you can then slice it to your
preferred thickness and freeze for later use. i also freeze the cooking broth for the next batch of seitan i make.

to make the cutlets pictured at the beginning of the post, simply slice seitan (1/4 to 1/2 inch thick), shake the slices in flour and then dredge in either beaten egg or reconstituted egg replacer. then place the slices in italian seasoned breadcrumbs until well coated. preheat a little oil (1/8-1/4 inch) in a skillet or nonstick frying pan and fry until golden brown on both sides. serve with wedges of lemon. these fried cutlets reheat nice and crispy if placed in a toaster oven and also make delicious sandwiches for lunch the next day.